Tani reading Torah for the first time

A note from Melissa: Tani has taken an interest in the Torah and the drama of the Torah service...what greater joy for a rabbi? This morning, I shared with him the little Torah that I received as a kid. It's about 3 inches tall and has the entire Torah printed on it and rolled up like a real Torah. It's not exactly a toy for a rambunctious 3 year old, as the paper is thin, so I'm staying close by helping him with it. I'd like to find a Torah that opens that's more child friendly-- perhaps one that's laminated. For now, it will be for supervised play. He's very sweet with the Torah and slowly learning to care for our sacred objects. We made a little ark for the Torah and covered the coffee table with a cloth so he could read Torah. I also found a kippah he likes in a drawer-- it has an image from outer space on it. We also found a really cool yad that I acquired when I helped a cantor clean out his office at a nursing home years ago. It is hand-carved olive wood with an ivory top, and it's shape reflects the space theme. (by the way, Neysa and I watched the new Star Trek movie last night, which was a lot of fun-- she's sleeping in). We also took out a bunch of playmobil people and told the story of the beginning of Moshe's life--Tani found a bowl in his play kitchen to serve as the ark where Moshe was placed by his mother.

I have been teaching Tani the chanting from the Torah service before the ark is opened, the "Ein camocha." I realized this was important to do when he was called up to open the ark at shul and he was running around before the ark was opened. Tani's love for Torah is very moving to me-- that he's showing interest and helping to reawaken my own love of Torah. We generally go to Dorshei Derech, the Reconstructionist minyan at GJC; however, I'm thinking we'll start taking him to the main sanctuary for the Torah service. We were there for a few minutes yesterday and he loved it. It's also special for me to be in there with him, as Neysa and I got married on the bimah in there.

Another feature of the main sanctuary is that it becomes a space ship when the rabbis aren't there...a really cool place to explore after services. I love that he is taking ownership of his synagogue-- I did that as a kid and Los Alamos Jewish Center was a second home. I even slept there once on Yom Kippur during a snow storm.

Snowman

Last Saturday we got our first snow of the season. The snow didn't really stick to the streets but it did stick to the cars. So Melissa, Tani, and I went out behind our building and built a snowman on the wall by the parking garage from the snow on parked cars. Initially we had made snow balls and gave them to Tani. He threw a couple but mainly wanted to put them on the ground and stomp on them. Then I gathered enough snow to make the base of a small snowman and then put a head on. Unfortunately, there were no twigs or other foliage to use for arms, eyes or nose. Melissa picked a couple of leaves off a bush and used them for a nose and mouth and put her knit cap on the snowman's head. Then it got too cold for Melissa and I although Tani wanted to stay outside - so we went in. When Melissa and I went out for the evening, we noticed the hat was missing. The next morning as we were all heading out we saw the snowman's "head" on the ground. We shrugged it off. When we returned that afternoon though the head was back on the snowman (although still no hat). Melissa remarked on the interesting "conversation" going on amongst members of the building. Then she had an excellent idea. A dinner guest had given us the pieces to a "Mr. Potatohead" including eyes, arms, hat and shoes but no potato body (I guess that had been lost). I had wondered what we could do with these pieces, but our snowman became the perfect "potato". Here is our snowman last Monday, who had melted a bit since Saturday but I think made it until Tuesday.

Treehouse, Art Museum, and Pizza

We had quite a fun day. Sarit, mom of Lillian in Tani's Gesher class organized a morning outing at The Little Treehouse in Chestnut Hill. It has an area where kids can play while parents drink coffee and visit. This was a chance for me to see how Tani interacts with his classmates. There was a train area that drew Tani's attention immediately. He could have played there for hours but of course some of his classmates wanted to play with the trains too and the anti-sharing instincts of young preschoolers kicked in: grabbing, shouting "mine", crying --- anything to get a few more coveted trains even if Tani had 4-6 trains already. Melissa was good at encouraging him to share and helped diffuse a couple of incidents. We want Tani to be able to learn to share without adult intervention - to ask for what he wants of his peers but also to share and be generous. I think there was at least 20 minutes where Tani and two of his classmates played together in harmony. Afterwards we went to the Little Shop at Germantown Jewish Centre to look for a menorah and dreidel for Tani. Tani has been reading "My First Hanukkah Board Book" and wanted the blue menorah and dreidel with a face and hat that he had seen in the pages. While we were looking Tani found a wooden toy school bus with magnetic passengers, i.e. they didn't slide around on the bus. That way Tani could move the passengers on & off the bus and they don't slide around the bus when it was moving. He played and played and did not want to part with it. So we asked him if that was what he wanted for Hanukkah and he said "yes". We left GJC and made a quick stop at the co-op for bagels. Then Melissa decided it would be good to head downtown to Chinatown to pick up Tani's backpack full of trains that we accidently left at a Chinese restaurant when we stopped for dinner last Monday on the way home from DC. After retrieving them we headed for the art museum - Melissa had heard about a "Tours for Toddlers" program where kids would get a tour of the Art Museum. We parked and were walking to the museum, but Tani was having too much fun running around the fountains, up the museum steps, around the stone pylons on the landings. Once we got in the museum, no one had heard of the "Tours for Toddlers" and Tani didn't seem in the mood for looking at art but rather for playing with his school bus which he insisted on taking to the museum. So we went back down the stairs with lots of running on the landings on the way down and then running on the sidewalks and around the fountains. We had hoped he'd take a nap on the way home but he didn't. Once home, Melissa was able to convince him to take a shower - we have a hard time getting him to take his once-a-week bath/shower. His curls are gorgeous after he washes his hair.

Then after looking at some short home movies of Tani as a baby it was time to head out to dinner with Manel & Jordi and Debrah & Levana. We went to a pizza restaurant in Mt. Airy. Tani almost fell asleep on the drive over - we encouraged Tani not to fall asleep and he shouted "I'm not sleeping". We laughed and he got mad at us. It was very funny since he was dropping off to sleep as he shouted he wasn't sleeping but we understand that it's still not nice to laugh. At the restaurant Tani ate whole wheat cheese pizza - I was surprised he liked it so much. It was nice to catch up with Jordi and Manel after Manel's senior recital the night before. Jordi made sure that Tani didn't escape out of the restaurant after he was finished eating - he'd pick him up and tickle him. Finally I told Tani he could go out, but then he just wanted to come right back inside. The temperature has been around freezing since yesterday's snowstorm, while on Friday it was ~60 deg. After we got home Melissa did the bedtime rituals - PJs, brush teeth, a book or two, talk about his day, and then lights out. He asked Melissa to sing him a long Hebrew song and he was out before the song was over. A very nice Sunday.

A day with Tani

This is Melissa writing. I generally have Tani home with me on Mondays and Wednesdays. He's at preschool the other 3 days. It's nice to have a leisurely morning with him and to go on various adventures. Today, even though it was cool (was below freezing overnight) and overcast, we decided to venture out to the Morris Arboretum, where we have a membership and to go see the garden railway. Tani loves the trains. He also really enjoys their exhibit called "Out on a limb" where you can pretend you're a squirrel climbing high in the trees. Tani likes to call himself "baby squirrel" and thus, I'm mommy squirrel. He has a few phobias (vacuums, air blowers in bathrooms), but he doesn't appear to be afraid of heights. The climbing area is a grid of knotted ropes from which you can look down to the ground below, which is some 30 feet (if I'm estimating correctly).

Tani fell asleep in the car after a stop at the supermarket, where he walked around amusing himself by playing a game on my iPhone (instead of insisting on buying various treats). We are considering buying a house, so I parked near that house to get a feel for the street and drove around a bit while Tani was sleeping. [Note from Neysa, Melissa hadn't finished this yet but I'm posting it now anyway]

Getting to sleep

This is Melissa writing. It's Monday night, November 30. We just got back from Thanksgiving vacation in DC with my family, including my parents and brother's family. Tani particularly loved the time with cousin Max, who is the same age as him (turning 3 in January!). He was very sad to leave today. As I write this, Tani is screaming and crying, "I have a nightmare, I'm lonely." We had gotten into the habit of laying down with him until he was asleep, which meant that whichever one of us put him to bed would doze off and then wake up disoriented without much of an evening left. Tani's teacher encouraged us to help him to put himself to sleep--both for our sakes and for his sake, so that he is able to put himself to sleep. These transitions are hard! Tani just said, "I'm really sad...I want Momma but she's not letting me into her room and I have a nightmare." He also shrieks as part of his cry. The dance of parenting has meant a lot of learning for both of us. I feel calm right now, knowing that this is the right thing to do for our family and for Tani in the long run, even considering how distressed he is right now. He's processing his feelings. If only I could cry like that and let out my anxiety that way! Neysa just whispered that she's not convinced that he's in his bed--I'm thinking it's best to not engage him right now, to let him work through his feelings of separation, abandonment?, loneliness. "Mom, I'm lonely," he just shouted. It's interesting that he hasn't barged into our room-- he understands that he needs to stay in his room. I pray for Tani that the angels watch over him and help him to sleep...it's now forty-five minutes later and all appears to be quiet on the home front. Amen.

Sunday at Valley Green

This morning we went to Esther and Toby's daughter's baby naming. Tani wasn't sure he wanted to go but decided to give it a try. When we arrived the kiddush had been set up in the back which included three plates of cookies. He planted himself in front of one - reaching for a cookie I told him not until after the ceremony. He stayed in front of the cookies commenting "they smell so good". But didn't eat any until it was time. Melissa headed off on her retreat afterwards - we said goodbye to her and drove to Valley Green where Deborah and Levana were celebrating Deborah's birthday with a few friends and cake! Tani was interested in the cake, but when he got to the park was more interested in singing the Tom Chapin "Happy Birthday" song to Deborah and hanging out with Levana. A nice man gave out a piece of bread to each child and they happily threw it to the geese and ducks. We then had cake but Tani was not really interested. He'd had many cookies at the kiddush. We then took a walk down Forbidden Drive. Tani ran down the path and then climbed on the wooden fence to look over the Wissahickon creek. Levana joined him on the fence and they happily stood there taking in the beauty of the park. People needed to go and everyone left except the four of us - but then Levana was tired and hungry so they went home too. I had thought about trying to have brunch at the Valley Green Inn but decided against it as it's kind of fancy and there's no grilled cheese option for Mr. T. Tani played with the small pumpkin decorations on the steps - a two year old who looked exactly like Katie Aronson came up to play too with an adult I didn't recognize. Later, when Tani and I went to the snack bar for ice cream and french fries I saw Katie's Mom Beth and realized it was her after all. The line was long but Tani was patient. He sat on a picnic table and schmoozed with folks in line. By the time I was third in line Tani was ready for his ice cream - he had decided on a chocolate soft serve cone. A few minutes later he had his ice cream and we hung around waiting for the fries to be ready. Tani makes many people smile by his friendliness but this time by his chocolate face and hands and his enjoyment of the ice cream cone. I had two big napkins and used them both. When my fries were ready we both sat down and shared - Tani exclaiming how these were the best french fries and ice cream in the world! (I shared some of his ice cream.) When we were done Tani went to go check out a limosine that had pulled up with some wedding guests. Valley Green is often booked for weekend weddings. As the staff set up Tani chatted with them and checked out the limo. He actually got in line with the guests to climb into the limo - they all smiled. After the limo drove off two musicians were setting up - one with an electric guitar and the other a bass. Tani enjoyed watching them practice and the guitarist let him strum his guitar. Soon after a horse and carriage pulled up - it was to take the newly married couple off - Tani wanted to wait for the ceremony to be complete so he could watch it go. He got to pet the horse while we waited. After the bride and groom rode off down Forbidden Dr, it was time to go. We went home and Tani watched a video. I cleaned up the kitchen and made Tani a grilled cheese. He sat down for dinner and by the time he was almost finished with his grilled cheese, he had slumped onto me and fallen asleep. It was 6 pm. So much for the much needed bath. I better go to bed now as I suspect he will wake up early tomorrow. Stay tuned...

Does God have a back?

From Melissa:

With the beginning of the new cycle of Torah readings, I have started telling Tani stories from the Torah, starting with the first day of creation. We are fostering a culture of love for Torah, including serving him tofu Torahs and cheddar cheese Torahs (I have a cookie cutter that my parents had when I was a kid). Tani came from home from school the other day and announced that he had eaten his tofu Torah. I began my story with chanting the first line of the Torah, "bereishit bara..." in the beginning, when God began creating the heavens and the earth, the earth was tohu vavohu and there was darkness everywhere and water and God's spirit/ ruah sweeping upon the water. And God was lonely and in the dark and so God decided to create light. So God said, "yehi or" Let there be light! and there was light, and God saw that it was good. It was also very, very bright, like being out on a sunny day walking with the sun in your eyes, in all directions-- it was a little too bright, so God created a beautiful treasure chest to store the light, in order to separate the light from the darkness. (During various tellings of the story, Tani would mention the moon, and I would tell him that we have to wait until the 4th day of creation for the moon-- we were still on the first day. Tani loves the moon-- we have the book Harold and the Purple Crayon, which was a gift to me from Heather years ago, where Harold takes a walk with the moon and it follows him. Tani noticed tonight that the moon was following us--the full moon which I'm convinced made Tani a bit devilish all day, from the moment he woke up this morning). Back to creation...I told Tani an adaptation of the kabbalistic myth about this first light--how the light was so powerful inside the treasure chest that it exploded and bits of this light went everywhere-- there's some hidden in each of us, waiting to be discovered. The first time I told it, he was curious about this idea, but yesterday he got upset by the idea that this light is in him, even when I said that it's good light...I'm not quite sure what this reaction is about, but perhaps Lurianic kabbalah is not meant for two-year-olds. I'm also realizing that it would be helpful for me to look up the original source to get a better sense of how the light is described and what the process of returning the light to source might look like.

Back to bedtime tonight. When Tani says the shema by himself, it's a blend of the first few words of the shema and then the candlelighting blessing. So then we say it together. He recites some of the words with a bit of attitude--not sure what that's about--months ago, I tried to work with him on saying it more respectfully, but for now, I think it's better to ignore his playfulness when saying shema. I tried chanting v'ahavta, which he didn't want, and we started talking about how God loves us-- how God loves Tani and Mommy Malka (and he immediately added Mommy Neysa) and then Grandmas and Grandpas and Uncle Mitch and Aunt Val and Aunt Shari and Cousin Max. He had such a big smile as we said each person's name.

We were at a program for young children today where the presenter referred to God as a "he", which I don't like. So tonight I also mentioned that God is not a he or a she. Why? Tani asked (which he asks often!). Because God doesn't have a body-- God is not a person, God is not separate the way we are (and yet I found myself wanting to offer something about what God is, not just what God is not, even though Maimonides would argue that all we can say about God is statements about what God is not...I'm revisiting what I learned in rabbinical school and what I really believe as Tani and I begin our first encounters with these rich and deep questions.) A little later, Tani asks: Does God have a mouth? No, I said. Does God have a back? Not really, although we can imagine that God does (I say, recalling the story of Moshe seeing God's back). Does God have a bed? No, but we can imagine that God has one, but God doesn't need to sleep the way we do (and yet, what about Shabbat? When we get to the seventh day, God will need rest!) A few minutes later, Tani put his head on me and fell fast asleep. Good night! Laila Tov!