A dead fish

Melissa again. It's Thursday morning, May 6. Tani slept the whole night in his bed (he often comes into our room at some point and crawls into his "nest" on the floor). He announced, "Mommy, I slept the whole night in my room!" This is a very good thing-- we have made real progress since a few months ago when he would find all sorts of ways to wake me in the middle of the night, from crawling into our bed or screaming from his room.

I encouraged Tani to go say good morning to his fish. I then came in to see them and noticed that one of them was dead. He hadn't noticed. For those of you who haven't had goldfish in a while, a dead goldfish looks like a live goldfish, except for the fact that it's not moving--at least, a recently dead goldfaish. I told Tani that one of his fish was dead. He didn't seem terribly upset. He asked, "is it Fred or Tani who died?" (yes, he named one of his fish Tani-- the names evolved from "Fred and Fred" to "Fred and Suzanne" to "Fred and Tani"). He said, "I think it's Tani who died." Not in a sad way, just matter-of-fact. As I was dealing with the bowl, I heard him ask Neysa, "can we get more fish?" We don't need to yet-- we still have one.

How am I feeling? I just flushed a dead fish down the toilet (Tani was not witness to that). I'm a little sad. I also think it's really good for Tani to witness the natural course of life-- living and then dying. I also feel like I want some Hebrew verse or prayer to say when I dispose of a dead fish, but I don't know what that would be-- might send an inquiry to my rabbinic colleagues over our e-mail list. It would be interesting to see how they respond.

Tani has a blank journal with a lock and key. At lunch yesterday at Toto's pizza, which is in walking distance from our place, Tani made up a story which I wrote down. Neysa is reading that story to Tani now, then we'll get dressed and off to school/ work. (I'm headed to school-- taking a fabulous class with Dayle Friedman at RRC on aging. Today we're dealing with legacy and eternity).

Addendum: We just moved the fish (one fish now) back into Tani's room and I asked if he was sad and he said yes. I gave him a hug and he cuddled in my lap for a brief time before getting up to play with his new lego train. He also asked again, "Can we get another fish?" I said we'll wait and see how this one does.