How to win friends and influence people

Facilitating toddler interactions can be quite challenging.  If one child has a toy and there is another child in the room, they will often want the same toy even though there are dozens of others to choose from.  The "toyless" child might then grab the toy from the first child, resulting in crying and looks to a nearby adult to correct the injustice.  When Tani was 1.5 years old, if he took a toy from a child, rationally explaining how it wasn't nice and to give it back often didn't work.  Now he understands a lot better and I think knows he shouldn't do it.  We were at a birthday party last Sunday and two girls were playing with a small toy kitchen.  Tani, who is 30% bigger than the next largest child even though they're the same age, swooped in and brushed the two girls away and started playing with the kitchen.  "Tani, that's not nice.  They were there first, let them play with it".  He reluctantly moved out of the way and a microsecond later was on to something else.

In Tani's daycare, if a child bites another child the teachers write up the incident and send home a sheet to both the vicitim and perpetrator's parents but won't identify the children involved.  That way the parents know their child bit someone or got bit but don't know who the other party was.  When Tani turned two, he bit one of his classmates.  By then he was talking so I asked him who he bit.  "Devora" he said matter-of-factly.  "She cried".  (Note names in this posting other than Tani's have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty).  Melissa asked his teacher the next day about the incident.  She smiled and wouldn't confirm who but said the girl was running around the previous afternoon proudly telling everyone "Tani bit me!".   A couple of weeks ago Tani got bit for the first time - or at least it was the first time we got a white form explaining Tani was bit.  These forms also state when it happened, what was going on at the time, and what was done about it.  For example, "at 10 AM Tani bit a child who was trying to play on the same toy.  We explained to Tani 'it's not OK to bite your friends'".  So I asked Tani who bit him.  "Orli" he said again matter-of-factly.  "I cried."  I recalled that about a month ago during bedtime Tani was telling me that Orli had been misbehaving and the teachers had to tell her not to hit her friends.  He said, "Orli hit Shoshana.  Shoshana cried."

Believe it or not after reading all of the above, the kids have great affection for each other.  When I drop Tani off at daycare, often the kids who are there will happily shout "Tani!" or "Nani!" if they can't quite pronounce his name yet.  Luckily toddlers forgive and forget quite quickly and if they remember a bite or hit it seems to be remembered either fondly or as a noteworthy event, not something to be resented.

School bus

When I put Tani to bed at night, he always requests the song "Wheels on the Bus".   A couple of months ago it morphed into "Wheels on the School Bus".  The song is a narrative (sung to the tune of "The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round") of how students wait for the bus in the morning, ride to school, the bus goes to wait and then picks the students up after school and takes them home, and then they go play, eat dinner, get ready for bed, go to sleep, wake up and repeat the process the next day.  I often sing several rounds of this until he either falls asleep or asks for a different song.  A couple of weeks ago he requested that the school bus driver wanted a snack, so I sang "The school bus driver has a snack, has a snack, has a snack, the school bus driver has a snack, of Cheerios and milk" (I think I had originally picked pretzels, cheese and crackers but Tani changed the snack).  He likes this verse and if I forget it while I'm singing he is sure to remind me.  This week he requested that I add a line that the school bus driver wears a bib when he eats his snack.  So the line goes "The school bus driver wears a bib, wears a bib, wears a bib, the school bus driver wears a bib when he eats his Cheerios and milk for snack."

Tani has been into a "Real Wheels" video that Grandma Susan bought him which is all about buses.  The video is for children 3-8 because it is mostly talking and not much music or songs.  When Tani was two (as opposed to 2 years and 2.5 months now) he had no patience for videos with a lot of talking.  Now he can follow the story and enjoys them.  So this bus video's narrator is a funny guy named "Bus driver Dave" who tells the viewer all about buses.  Dave shows up at bus driving school ready to learn to drive a bus, but he's late so he has to wash the school bus with a hose and mop.  He squirts himself "accidently" in the face with the hose and makes all kinds of faces at having to wash this big bus.  Tani thinks the whole incident is hilarious.  It's fun to watch him watching the video.

I want to bang on the drum all day

Dave Smith, president of Am Haskalah, made a little drum for Tani - he asked us it was OK to give it to him and were like sure, great!  Tani has been playing with it ever since but tonight he was really into playing.  He grabbed both drum sticks and would beat the drum for a minute and then shout yay!  He'd then ask Melissa and I if we wanted to hear more and we'd say, "yes we'd like to hear more".  So he'd play some more and this would go on and on except if he banged his finger by accident, in which case he'd make a little pout for a few moments and then continue playing.  Tani's expression when he plays is like a drummer in a rock & roll band - he looks really intense.  I needed to go to the store so I'm not sure how late into the night he played, but at 9:30 pm it is all quiet in the Nevins-Klein house.

Hamataschen

I should have known it was too quiet in the dining room.  I had stepped into the kitchen to skim through the new Newsweek for a few minutes.  Tani had eaten a lot for dinner including half a container of tofu and two 1 oz pieces of cheddar cheese plus a small hamantaschen.  He hadn't been interested in them the previous few days and I was surprised that he ate it.  I had left the other six hamantaschen in foil wrapping on the table.  I put down the Newsweek, returned to the dining room, and looked down at the foil - nothing was left except for half a hamantaschen that Tani was munching on.  Tani!  Did you eat all the hamantaschen?!  He smiles.  

Tani has a little tricycle that he now can peddle around the house.  His feet reach the pedals now and he enjoys taking it for a spin around the dining room and kitchen.  This past Sunday Melissa took him to an afternoon family concert which he apparently enjoyed.  When I asked him about it though he said "Tani ate a cookie at the concert!".  Interesting what he remembers.  He clearly enjoyed the concert and likes the CD Melissa bought at the concert but no mention of the music or dancing. That morning I had taken him to the JCC with me - there are teenagers who babysit from 9:30-noon and we arrived at 10:30 so I could run on the treadmill and Tani could hang out with other kids and the babysitters as Melissa was at Hebrew School.  After running when I went to pick Tani up, he was sitting between two of the teenagers texting on a Blackberry.  I am running more and more now and Tani has been commenting "Mommy runs on the treadmill".  This thought has lead to "Grandpa Arthur fell on the treadmill...  Grandma Diane has a bicycle AND a treadmill AND a garage!  I pushed the button and opened the garage door!!"  It's been 1.5 months since we were in Atlanta so he clearly has a good memory.  He also remembers he played with a CD player at Great Grandma Alice's house. He often remembers family and friends and will comment that he wants to go to their house.  He always enjoys an outing with good friends.

On the road

We were driving in the car last week when Tani had interesting conversation on his cell phone.  It's a real cell phone that's no longer active and has no battery - I think he has more fun with it than cell phones that light up, make noise, or even actually call people - he can really use his imagination.  So he's on his cell phone and the conversation goes something like this "... Hi! pause Mommy Neysa and Mommy Malka" pause We're on the road! pause Yeah, yeah pause Absolutely! pause OK, bye".  Tani loves to listen to music in the car.  Melissa can attest to the fact that I get nervous if there's no CDs in the car, which now rarely happens.  His favorite kids CDs are Raffi, Laurie Berkner, and Tom Chapin.  He reliably enjoys jazz and has been known to listen to a Beethoven symphony or cello concerto although he usually wants us to replay certain phrases over and over - Melissa explained to him the slower parts of the music are also interesting to listen to and he would let us play at least a full movement.  The only genres he doesn't like at all are Country and pop-style loves songs.  I know this because sometimes I've had to resort to radio in the car for music, and he quickly protests these types of songs.  Recently Tani, my friend Georgia and I were driving in Georgia's car and she only had a CD mix in the car.  After passing on the first two songs, he happily listened to "Red Barchetta" by Rush.  He also liked "Limelight".  In the last couple of weeks, Tani wants us to rewind songs to listen to the beginning several times before moving on with the rest of the song.  We might repeat a song or parts of a song 3-5 times before moving on to the next one. He seems to be studying/listening to songs he likes more carefully.  It's a lot of fun to listen to music with Tani!

Watching videos

Tani has been sick this week so we've been watching more videos than usual.  It's fun to view a video with Tani, watching what he notices.  He often picks up on small details such as a tree off to the side.  He likes to watch his favorites over and over again.  Today I noticed for the first time how he anticipates a scene that's about to occur and then announces it right when it appears on screen.  His current all-time favorite is the "Wheels on the Bus" video which has six short videos and he likes them all.  Recently he's enjoyed watching a short "Old McDonald Had a Farm" video over and over (it has to go back to the library next week).  He loved an "Elmocize" video about Elmo leading an exercise class - we're going to buy that one.  He likes musical videos best. 

Zumba

Am Haskalah generally has Shabbat services Friday evening, but once a month we have services Saturday morning.   Recently (parshat Shemot) we were having Saturday morning services in the Allentown JCC when at 10:30 a "Body Pump" class began in the auditorium next to where we hold services.  The music was disrupting the service so one of the members went over and asked them to turn the volume down.  As the service was ending ~11:30, a "Zumba Hip Hop" class began.  While I think most service goers did not appreciate the music, one person certainly did.  Tani.  During the oneg Tani immediately went through the kitchen into the Zumba class, even forgetting about his kiddush and challah.  He stood mesmerized by the first couple of songs watching the teacher and class exercising to the Zumba routines.  By the third song he was trying out some of the moves.  He stayed for the entire class.   He would yell "yay!" at the end of a song he particularly liked.  People commented on how well behaved he was, not disrupting the class or running around.  Well, he sort of disrupted the class as people definitely noticed him and seemed happy to watch his joyful participation.  Too bad there's no Zumba for toddlers class.